


after you

by arigyutou



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 05:30:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7155620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arigyutou/pseuds/arigyutou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>joshua doesn't know what he was thinking when he asked jeonghan about him, he was just curious. </p><p>in which jeonghan recalls an old love and joshua thinks they’re over. inspired by me before you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	after you

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i know the movie only came out recently, but i think you can read this without having watched or read the book. also (spoiler alert) seungcheol is dead in this. also please note i’m a huge jihan shipper so don’t ever expect me to write anything semi-jeongcheol again.

“tell me about him” joshua said one night. they were just sitting on the couch watching a random drama of jeonghan’s choice, not exactly cuddling but still stuck together. at first jeonghan had no idea as to what his lover was talking about, but the realization started to build and jeonghan decided to remain silent.

“jeonghan.”

the long-haired boy feigned cluelessness, “i don’t know what you’re talking about jisoo.”

joshua looked at him with disbelief and with a huff said, “you know what i mean. tell me about him, about choi seungcheol.”

jeonghan turned towards the window, “you know i don’t like talking about him.” the scenery outside looked peaceful just like any other day. jeonghan saw kids running towards the cute little ice cream parlor down the street which was run by two of their friends.

he never knew how soonyoung managed to convince grumpy, child-hater jihoon into opening one–although the latter did admit to wanting children one day. luckily the store was a huge success locally and they managed to pay off most of their loans within the first few years. he can still remember them fighting over the shop a year before the opening. sometimes jeonghan feared that they would split up due to their differences over the it, but somehow they managed to pull through.

in their friend’s eyes, jeonghan and jisoo were the _perfect couple_. they complemented each other so well, they knew everything about each other, they always had an intuition as to what the other was doing and how they were feeling. at the same time, jisoo and their friends knew about jeonghan’s past lover, what _others_ would describe as perfect. but jeonghan never called seungcheol a lover because, well, they never had that chance.

they all knew jeonghan loved seungcheol deeply, immensely, and recklessly, but none of them knew the true story. jeonghan only met the rest of the guys a few months after seungcheol’s passing, when he was drowned in depression and grief. it was when he moved away from his small hometown that he met seokmin aka the ray of sunshine. seokmin was exactly the person he needed to overcome the gigantic hurdle that was the loss of choi seungcheol.

they knew jeonghan never really talked about him because it was just too painful, and they were afraid to push him over the edge. it wasn’t until hong jisoo came into the picture that jeonghan got over him and was truly happy again, and jeonghan didn’t want to ruin his–no, _their_ happiness by sharing his past with seungcheol.

in all honesty, jeonghan wasn’t so sure what he was so afraid of by telling their story. he wasn’t ashamed of seungcheol at all, but there was just something holding him back from sharing. it was like the love he experienced was a fairytale meant for only the two of them.

joshua slowly rubbed jeonghan's arm, “i know you don’t… but i still would like to know about him.”

jeonghan still didn’t turn to face him. “why?”

joshua looked out the window as well and softly said, “because he’s a part of you. a part of you and your life that i don’t know about.”

jeonghan simply whispered, “i’ll probably end up crying.” but jisoo just giggled softly and pulled jeonghan closer, moving his head so that he was settled into jisoo’s shoulder.

“that’s okay,” joshua smiled, “i just wanna know.”

so jeonghan snuggled further into jisoo’s warm and comforting chest and began.

he talked about how in the beginning, he was only in it for the money and as soon as he met the asshole choi seungcheol he wanted to run out of the house and quit. 

he talked about spending days and days on end just sitting in the kitchen reading books about anything and everything, because seungcheol was way to pretentious for his own good.

he talked about doyoon, seungcheol’s nurse, and his supportiveness from beginning to tragic end. dealing with seungcheol’s ego was just a little bit easier with him around.

he talked about finally snapping at seungcheol and being glad that he did. it wasn’t until that moment were they able to converse like normal people.

he talked about watching movies on the rainy days and seungcheol’s smug face after each one because he _just knew_ jeonghan would love them.

he talked about how his heart stopped every time seungcheol got sick and was rushed to the hospital. he would deny it to anyone that asked, but holding seungcheol’s hand while he slept always calmed him down.

he talked about Switzerland and he talked about his plans to make seungcheol want to live again. 

slowly but surely, everything was revealed. the love he felt for him, the happiness he experienced on the island, the dread he felt before Switzerland, and the loss he drowned in after his death. slowly but surely, joshua pulled away from jeonghan. no longer cuddling, joshua continued to stare out the window as he listened.

jeonghan talked about falling in love with choi seungcheol.

he talked about hating choi seungcheol.

he talked about missing choi seungcheol.

he talked about choi seungcheol dying.

and finally jeonghan talked about part of himself dying with him.

and as joshua saw not only the loss, but the love and affection resurfacing on jeonghan’s eyes he thinks _he’ll never love me like he loved him, i’m not the perfect one for him._ but joshua doesn’t voice any of this, nor does realize how wrong he is.

jeonghan just waited. jisoo hadn’t moved or responded or even looked at him for awhile. timidly he asked, “jisoo?” and with his head down and a sorrowful voice jisoo responded, “you still love him.”

overcome with shock, jeonghan didn’t know how to react. however as the words quickly formed within his mind, he honestly replied “i don’t think i’ll love anyone as much as i loved seungcheol, he changed me. he made me who i am today, but–”

joshua didn’t want to listen another word, as each made his heart fall apart piece by piece. “jeonghan if this is your way of b-breaking up with me then I don’t want to hear it. i don’t know why i even asked about him in the first place be-because, because…” _i’m not meant to be with you, you two were meant to be together_ he thought as tears started to form.

jeonghan smiled sadly, joshua didn’t bother to look up.

the older sighed and the younger sunk even further, failing to notice the eyes aimed at him, full of love and kindess. after a short and somewhat awkward silence, jeonghan continued, “like i said, that man changed me, but _so did you_. everyday when i wake up, i think of you and that’s what gets me out of bed, although somewhat slowly. i see you and want to live my life to the fullest because _you_ bring that out in me. you make me want to live happily surrounded by people i love, and that includes you.”

with tears streaming down his face, joshua’s eyes finally connected with jeonghan’s. slowly, jeonghan placed his hands on his cheeks to gently wipe away the younger’s tears, “but don’t ever for a second think that i’m settling for you or that i don’t love you, because honest to god hong jisoo i love you so fucking much. yes i love seungcheol but right now i’m with you, i’m in love with you, and i choose to be with _you_.”

joshua place his own hands, slightly shaking, on top of jeonghan’s and in a soft voice murmured, “do you really mean that?”

“of course i do, and if you ever doubt me for a second i’ll do everything humanly possible to show you just how much i love you and need you in my life.” jeonghan flashed him his thousand watt smile, trying to display every ounce of love he had for the younger.

it was almost unnoticeable, but slowly joshua’s shoulder’s relaxed, his hands stopped shaking, and he subtly nestled into jeonghan’s warm hands. “then prove it to me,” he said with determined eyes, “by staying with me forever and never letting me go.”

“as you wish,” jeonghan whispered and leaned in to place a soft yet loving kiss upon his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> basically if you didn’t get it, seungcheol (will) was jeonghan’s (louisa) old lover who died years ago (aka the events that occured in me before you). basically in this, the paris thing doesn’t happen and jeonghan just falls straight into depression. it’s like a different ending where he copes with the loss of cheol, meets and falls in love with joshua.
> 
> if you didn’t notice, i switched back and forth between using jisoo and joshua. that’s because in jeonghan’s pov he refers to him as jisoo but in joshua’s mind he refers to himself as joshua. also, switizerland was were will/cheol went through the assisted suicide.
> 
> also i have a twitter @jigyus and tumblr @arigyutou, so feel free to chat me up there as well :)


End file.
